Invisible
by snorkellingfish
Summary: AU. Blaine had to transfer, but here was no point breaking into his college fund for a school like Dalton when he could just transfer to another public school and keep his head down and not try so hard to stand out.
1. Chapter 1

They had been shouting for hours, now. Blaine lay in bed, trying to pick out individual words, but all he could hear was their rhythm, wafting through the walls. Dad was angry and used his words like a sword, stabbing angrily and futilely at ghosts he couldn't see. Mom was scared.

They probably thought that Blaine was asleep. He couldn't, though, not when he knew that they were discussing his future. Eventually, it got to be too much and he slipped out of bed and crept down the hall, bare feet padding on the carpet. He stepped carefully around the creaky floorboards, silent as a ghost, until he was outside his parents' room. He leant in carefully, ear against the door so that he could finally hear their words.

"—can't afford it," Dad was saying. "Not without cutting into his college fund."

"What choice do we have, though?" asked Mom.

"He could transfer to another public school," said Dad. "Start fresh."

There was a slight pause before Mom responded, as she thought about what Dad had said. "That won't fix the problem, though, will it? Not when they don't have a no-tolerance policy like Dalton Academy."

When Dad spoke it was final. "That won't matter because Blaine will keep his head down and not try so hard to stand out."

"I still think Dalton Academy will be a better fit for him," Mom argued.

Blaine had heard enough. He could wait until morning to hear what future they'd decided on for him. He tip-toed back down the hall and climbed into his bed, wrapping the covers tightly around him like a hug.

Less than a week later, Blaine found himself standing outside the doors of McKinley High, trying to find the courage to take the final step inside. His parents had agreed to a compromise – Blaine would go to another public school for now and if things got too bad, they'd pull him out. Before Blaine had left, though, Dad had pulled him aside and warned him that they'd have to cut into his college fund to afford it and that would jeopardise his future. The implied instruction was to stay on the down low and not flaunt his gayness.

Blaine hadn't meant to be out at his old school. It had just happened. Blaine had only told one person – his best friend, Michael – but he believed it when Michael had said that he hadn't told anyone. He wasn't all that subtle and there were other ways that people could have realised. In an English lesson on modern adaptations of classic texts, Blaine had given his presentation on _Wicked_. In Glee, he'd joined the girls in a performance of Lady Gaga. He'd asked if he could write a fashion column for the school newsletter in journalism club. They were all stereotypes, but they were enough to start rumours.

Until the beginning of his sophomore year, Blaine hadn't been popular, but he'd flown under the radar. He hadn't been bullied because the jocks and popular kids hadn't even known his name. It all changed suddenly when someone scratched the word _fag_ into his locker.

Blaine had tried to hide it from his parents, but they'd found out the day he failed to arrive home because he'd been locked in a supply closet and had been unable to escape. Dad had asked him why he hadn't fought back and had seemed disgusted when Blaine admitted that he'd been scared. Maybe if he'd had a little more courage, Dad said, this wouldn't be a problem.

Blaine was scared now.

He took a deep breath. People were pushing past him to get inside. If he didn't move soon, he would start to draw their attention. Blaine's plan for survival was to not draw any attention to himself. Focusing on moving individual muscles wasn't working. Blaine forced himself to stop thinking and take the plunge. Three steps and he was inside.

Periods one, two and three passed without drawing any undue attention. As Blaine walked to French, he started to think that maybe it would be alright. Maybe his father was right and all he had to do was keep his head down and be less gay.

Maybe he'd survive high school after all.

* * *

><p>Kurt always arrived early for French and spent the time carefully arranging his pens and pencils and workbook so that they fitted neatly into his half of the two-person desk. He could have spread out more – nobody ever sat next to him – but it felt slightly less lonely that way, like maybe it was just for today and tomorrow someone would walk right in and fill the space and prove that he wasn't a social pariah.<p>

Kurt noticed the new boy as soon as he walked into the room. He stood with his shoulders hunched and his head bowed, which made him look even shorter than he was. His clothes were far from high fashion – Kurt suspected that they were from Gap – but the colours matched and that was more than Kurt could say for most of his classmates. His hair was a mass of unruly curls.

He finished talking to the teacher and turned to find a place to sit. The only free seat was next to Kurt. Kurt tried not to be offended when the new boy hesitated and looked around the room again before walking over.

Kurt had to introduce himself. "I'm Kurt Hummel."

"Uh, Blaine Anderson," the new boy said, offering his hand.

Kurt would have held onto Blaine's hand for as long as he could, but Blaine pulled away as soon as the proper time for a handshake had expired and focused on pulling his books out of his bag.

When the teacher asked for volunteers to answer questions, Blaine stayed silent, but Kurt knew that he was smart because he was able to write all the answers in his book. Kurt couldn't understand why Blaine wouldn't take credit for his knowledge. He was excited, though, at the thought of there being someone else in the class who was as good at French as he was.

They marked their work. The teacher told them that, since they had a new class member, they'd have to find new partners for dialogue exercises to work with for the rest of the term. Kurt turned to Blaine but Blaine had already started walking across the room to find someone who wasn't Kurt to partner with.

Kurt tried to tell himself that he was disappointed at losing a chance at a partner who could keep up with him and not because yet another person had looked at how different he was and decided that he wasn't worth knowing.

* * *

><p>After French, Blaine hurried to the toilets and locked himself in a stall before allowing himself to hyperventilate. He hadn't expected to meet someone like Kurt – someone so bright and lively and so, <em>so<em> stylish. Kurt had written these incredibly witty sarcastic comments in French in the margins of his work. Blaine desperately wanted to get to know him better.

But, _but_ Kurt was so obviously gay. He dressed in designer fashion. He had a high pitched voice. He hadn't even tried to hide the way he'd checked Blaine out as Blaine walked into the room. Talking to Kurt – even as partners in French class – would be enough to start the rumours. If he partnered with Kurt, transferring would be for nothing. The bullying would start again and Blaine wasn't strong enough (or courageous enough) to survive that.

Blaine had tried not to look at Kurt as he walked across the room to find another partner, but he couldn't help but notice the hurt expression on Kurt's face. He tried to convince himself that by avoiding Kurt he wasn't implicitly condoning whatever bullying Kurt faced – he was just a bystander who didn't want to get caught in the crossfire. He just didn't want to get involved.

The rest of the week passed in a similar pattern. Blaine kept to himself as much as possible and tried not to venture an opinion except when expressly asked. He needed a group to hang out with – loners were automatic targets – so he joined A/V club and silently obeyed Lauren Zizes's every instruction in return for being able to sit at their table at lunchtime.

He saw the poster advertising New Directions on the Tuesday of his second week. At his old school, Glee had been the best part of his day. He couldn't join here, though. He'd heard his A/V friends gossip about the Glee losers. Joining would undo all his hard work. The only reason that Artie had gotten away with his decision to join was because he was doing it to chase a girl. Blaine would have all the time to sing when he was out of here and at a college where physical violence was a crime, not acceptable hazing.

By Wednesday, Kurt Hummel's name had been added to the list. For a moment, Blaine felt the urge to walk over and write his name directly below it. Instead, he walked away. He was late for his A/V club meeting anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine had been at McKinley for two months now, and he hadn't been thrown into a locker once. He hadn't been locked in a closet or 'accidentally' tripped in the hall. He hadn't come back to his locker to find it covered in epithets. No one had scowled at him as he changed for gym or accused him of looking at their junk. He'd taken a slushy to the face once, but one of the Glee kids had been walking past at the time and the jock had apologised afterwards for missing his target.

Face stinging, Blaine rushed to the bathroom to clean up. It was for the best, Blaine decided. If he ever started to feel weak, all he had to do was remember this and he'd know why he was lying low. He couldn't understand how the Glee kids put up with it all the time. He'd made the right choice in not joining Glee.

Instead, Blaine threw himself into school work. He went to all the A/V club meetings and listened carefully, only speaking when directly spoken to. He tried to convince himself that he didn't time his walk to his car after school just so that he could hear the strains of voices wafting into the hall from the choir room.

"You got a girlfriend?" Lauren asked one day.

Blaine shook his head without thinking.

"Boyfriend?" she asked.

Blaine felt himself freeze inside, but it wasn't for nothing that he'd spent hours carefully cultivating an amiable, inoffensive exterior. This outer Blaine was able to shake his head without flinching, even while the inner Blaine panicked at the thought that he might have somehow let something slip.

Some of his emotion must have showed through, though, because Lauren rolled her eyes. "Just asking. Man, why do you guys always take offence when I ask if you have boyfriends?"

Okay, that was good. It was just something she asked all the guys. She was just open-minded. Blaine hadn't given himself away. Blaine was able to shrug her question away and go back to eating his sandwich, keeping his expressing politely disinterested.

In French, Blaine took to watching Kurt. He had this habit of raising one eyebrow, just slightly, before saying something outrageous in French, as though daring his partner to understand and take offence. His partner, a tall jock, never did. Blaine was pretty sure that he didn't understand a word that Kurt said.

Kurt had ten times the courage that Blaine had. He came to school dressed in the most amazing outfits and didn't seem to care what anyone else thought or said. He strode confidently down the halls, even after being hit by a slushy. One morning, Blaine had arrived to see Kurt climbing out of the dumpster. Blaine would have been in tears if it had been him, but Kurt just brushed himself off and walked on his way as thought it was nothing.

Basically, he was amazing, and Blaine would give anything to be one tenth as strong as him. In French, Blaine wished that he could just walk across the room and say hello, but striking up a friendship with Kurt would ruin everything.

It was better for everyone if Blaine just minded his own his own business.

Even so, Blaine couldn't stop himself from walking past the choir room and listening, just so, in the hope of catching the familiar strains of Kurt's voice.

It was in November when Blaine heard it: a pure voice, singing out his favourite song from _Wicked_. Even though it was stupid and anyone might see him, Blaine couldn't help but stop in the middle of the hall, spellbound. This time, Kurt wasn't singing in the chorus. He was singing a solo and the depth and emotion was incredible. Kurt was amazingly talented.

Then came the highest note of all and Kurt missed it, badly. Blaine winced. He wasn't sure why it happened. He'd heard Kurt sing higher than that, so he knew that the note was well within Kurt's range. Kurt was strong and brave and outrageous and everything that Blaine wasn't, so why would he throw that note?

Blaine wanted to ask Kurt, but that would mean admitting things that he wasn't ready to admit, even to himself. Instead, he forced himself not to think of it, mentally filing the detail away to life's unsolved mysteries. He had more important things to do than spend hours contemplating Kurt Hummel.

Another month passed without incident. Signs started popping up around the school inviting the student body to come and support New Directions at Sectionals. A little voice in the back of Blaine's head was telling him that he should go. No one would ever know and it might be nice to be close to Glee in that way, even if they never knew it.

The stronger part of Blaine quashed down on that little voice. It wasn't worth the risk.

The day of Sectionals arrived. Blaine set himself up in the library with a pile of work to try to distract himself. He was just heading out, thinking his mission had been achieved, when he saw Finn Hudson sprinting down the hall with a stack of sheet music under one arm and a set of car keys in his free hand.

"Shouldn't you be at Sectionals?" Blaine asked without thinking, before kicking himself for revealing that he'd been following Glee's doings rather than condemning them with the rest of the school.

"I, uh, I'm running late," Finn said.

Maybe it was fate, the stupid part of Blaine thought, before asking, "Can you give me a lift – I was going to come and watch."

Blaine sat quietly as Finn drove them to the venue in what Blaine was sure was Mr Schuester's car. When they arrived, Blaine politely thanked Finn and went to find a seat. There wasn't long to wait before New Directions came on. They were brilliant. The short diva – Rachel Berry was her name, Blaine remembered – came down the aisle singing her heart out. Blaine was sure that if he was straight, he would have been attracted to her immense talent. When she was finished, the rest of the group came out and sang 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' before segueing into an epic rendition of 'Somebody to Love'.

It was awesome and amazing and Blaine was so glad that he'd come to watch and so sad that he couldn't be up there with them.

After the show finished, he was about to fade into the crowd as though he'd never been there when he remembered that he didn't have a way to get home. He awkwardly sidled up to the celebrating New Directions group. Kurt looked momentarily startled before smiling cautiously at him. Blaine smiled back.

In the bus on the way back to campus, the Glee kids started an impromptu rendition of 'We Are the Champions' and Artie nudged Blaine to join in. He couldn't quite bring himself to sing, but he jiggled along in his seat to the beat of the music and was laughing and smiling the same as everyone else when they arrived back at campus. For a moment, as he let them pull him into their group hug, he wondered if just maybe this feeling might be worth it.

It wasn't, though – it couldn't be – Blaine decided as he climbed into his own car to drive home. His father had bought him the car when he'd transferred to McKinley. Blaine had to make his father proud. He had to survive high school and go and get a fantastic job and live up to all those dreams they both had for his future. He couldn't go back to being that scared bullied kid that everyone looked down on. He couldn't afford to even consider it.

It was Kurt who asked him. In French, he walked up to Blaine and, with no preamble, said "You should join Glee."

People were staring at him, wondering why he was talking to the resident gay kid. "Why?" Blaine asked, slightly more harshly than he'd intended.

"Because you enjoyed yourself on the bus on the way back from Sectionals," said Kurt, oblivious to the mutterings.

"I'm not _gay_," said Blaine, "and I'd never join homo explosion." He'd heard one of the jocks use the phrase once. He'd felt sick in the stomach at the time, but not as sick as he felt now.

He didn't meet Kurt's eyes for a long moment, afraid of the hurt he'd see. The mutterings were growing, though, and he knew he had to do something else, so he made himself look up and was surprised to see a stunned look on Kurt's face that was quickly transforming into compassion. The sick feeling in Blaine's stomach got worse.

Kurt _knew_.

The rest of the class were still staring at them, as though waiting for something more. Blaine didn't know what to do or what to say. Kurt knew and if Blaine didn't do something soon, the rest of them would realise, too.

Kurt's mouth was opening. He was about to say something and ruin everything. Kurt was brave and strong and he wouldn't be able to understand why Blaine couldn't be brave and strong, too. Blaine had heard rumours about how Kurt's father threatened to sue the school to let Kurt audition for 'Defying Gravity' (even if Kurt had thrown the song in the end). Kurt wouldn't be able to understand why Blaine needed to be discrete.

"Stay away from me, you _fag_," said Blaine, going for the word that he knew would hurt worst, hoping that the harshness would be enough to deter the rest of the class from realising what Kurt had.

He turned and walked out of the room without waiting to see Kurt's reaction.

* * *

><p>Kurt had been surprised to see Blaine at Sectionals – after a semester of French, he'd thought that Blaine would be one of the last people to show an interest in Glee. Instead, there he was, nervous, but smiling along with the rest of them. Kurt had decided then and there that he was going to recruit Blaine for Glee.<p>

The fact that he was undeniably attractive had nothing to do with it. Kurt's heart belonged to Finn, after all. Still, that didn't mean that he couldn't occasionally slip in a daydream about the boy who could speak French almost as well as he could. He was a teenager, after all.

He hadn't had a chance to talk to Blaine when they'd gotten off the bus. He'd decided that French was the next best bet and had gone up to him at the start of the lesson to ask him to join New Directions.

"I'm not _gay_," Blaine had said, spitting out the last word, "and I'd never join homo explosion." It should have been insulting, the way that Blaine had implied being gay was the worst thing in the world, but Kurt couldn't help but notice the fear in Blaine's eyes as they flickered back and forward, his attention on their classmates rather than on Kurt. When he looked up, Blaine's expression was _pleading_ and in that moment, Kurt knew.

Blaine was gay.

He was gay and he knew it and he was terrified that someone else would realise. Kurt had been there not that long ago. He knew what it felt like. It was only because of that that when Blaine called him a fag and told him to stay away, Kurt didn't take it personally. He'd been there and he might still have been there if it wasn't for Glee. Maybe he could be the one to help Blaine through this. Kurt had been so busy looking for someone else to be his hero that he'd never considered that maybe he could be that hero for someone else.

Blaine stormed out before Kurt could say anything else, which was probably a good thing because Kurt was so stunned in that moment that he could have said anything. He would have chased after Blaine, but that wouldn't have been helpful to either of them. He promised himself that he'd try to talk to Blaine the next time they had French, but Blaine didn't show up to class.

It was only a week later that he discovered that Blaine had dropped the subject.


	3. Chapter 3

Blaine couldn't go back.

He paced back and forth outside the classroom, simultaneously hoping that Kurt would get the message and stay away and that Kurt would come out so that Blaine could apologise (because _oh, God_ what had he said?) and beg Kurt's forgiveness and tell Kurt that he didn't mean it (for the _nothing_ that was worth).

Someone in the room laughed loudly and Blaine heard an echo of the word in someone else's voice ("_Fucking fag_," someone said and everyone laughed and Blaine could tell that the teacher was doing nothing because the laughter continued) and Blaine knew that he _couldn't_ apologise because then that might be him.

He couldn't risk going back.

Instead, Blaine went to the guidance councillor and made some excuse about wanting to connect with his Asian heritage. A couple of quick adjustments to the computer and a form signed by his parents and he was officially enrolled in Mandarin class for his language requirement.

He didn't know anyone, so he ended up sitting in the back of the room with a couple of Glee kids – "I'm Mike and this is Tina," said the quiet jock for both of them – who both warmed to his part Asianness. As class started, they shared their grumblings about how everyone assumed that they understood Mandarin when Mike's family spoke Cantonese and Tina was Korean.

It didn't matter that Blaine had transferred into the subject halfway through the year because it was a complete bludge. No one cared, not even the teacher. They spent their lessons watching Korean soaps and anime ("Because she can't tell Asian cultures apart," said Tina, rolling her eyes). They also folded a lot of origami.

Blaine liked Tina and Mike, he really did. Tina had a cool sense of style and a subversive sense of humour, once she got over her shyness towards him. Mike was more laidback, but incredible nice. He was glad to have them as friends and was so incredibly lucky that apparently what he'd said to Kurt in French hadn't filtered to them, since otherwise they wouldn't be talking to a jerk like him.

Something was missing, though. They never surprised Blaine with fantastic new styles of dress. There was never a thrill of fear over them baiting someone then waiting to see if that person noticed. They were nice people, but they were quiet like Blaine. They didn't live to stand out.

Blaine liked people who lived to stand out, even if he was too afraid to be one of them.

(He couldn't miss Kurt, though. He didn't even deserve to bask in Kurt's magnificence from afar. Even if he hadn't said what he'd said, Kurt would be better off hanging out with somebody as strong and proud as he was, not someone who's life ambition was to fade into the background like a piece of furniture.)

Blaine dove into A/V club and his homework to keep himself busy. When he had free time, he researched football statistics so that he and his father would have something to talk about (and, hey, Buckeyes were cool, Blaine figured, so it's not like he was watching _just_ for Dad's sake). He kept his head down and didn't bother anyone, staying off the bullies' radar, just like he'd always intended.

Then Artie asked the A/V club to help him make a music video illustrating the power of Madonna. Lauren weighed the idea up and decided that it would look good on her resume. Once that was decided, as a member of the A/V club Blaine had no choice but to take part.

"What's the matter, bro?" Artie asked as they headed from the cafeteria to math. "I thought you'd be down on this. Don't pretend you're not into Madonna – I've listened to your iPod."

Blaine winced slightly, making a mental note to recalibrate his music collection so that he appeared more heterosexual. "Madonna's cool, I guess. _Hot_, I mean," he quickly appended. Artie was cool, but he might be smart enough to put two and two together if Blaine wasn't careful and Blaine knew better than to trust anyone. "It's just that it's such a _Glee_ thing, you know? I couldn't take what you guys go through."

Artie hesitated. "Is it because Kurt's involved?"

Blaine's heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean?" he asked, trying to sound as casual as he could.

"I wasn't going to say anything because it wasn't any of my business, but I heard about what you said to him. That wasn't cool, bro."

Blaine winced and looked away.

"I thought it was one admittedly homophobic comment in a bad situation – that's what Kurt said, anyway – but if you actually have a problem with him being gay I'm not sure if I can be friends with you," said Artie. "I mean, he's one of my best friends and if you think something like that about him, you're a dick."

It was an opening: Blaine could say how terrified he was, how he worried he couldn't live up to his father's expectations, how he couldn't go through it again. He could say that he hadn't meant what he'd said to Kurt and tell Artie how it had been eating him up inside ever since. He could say all those things – but Artie wouldn't understand. Blaine might have found the courage to confess everything if Artie had actually seemed to _understand_.

Maybe if he had Blaine could have at least admitted some of his fears and insecurities (even if he hadn't been able to admit to _that_). As it was, Artie had labelled homophobia as just 'not cool' and had been willing to ignore what Blaine had said until now, despite claiming Kurt was one of his best friends. He had no idea.

There was one person in the school who could potentially understand and Blaine had pushed that person away. The worst thing of all, though, was that as much as Blaine hated what he'd done, he couldn't bring himself to _regret_ it. Maybe if he could, he wouldn't feel so damn guilty about it. He'd done what he had to and he'd escaped – he'd survived – and he couldn't regret that even though he wished that things could have been different.

He'd made his choice.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Blaine said instead, because anything else would invite questions that he wasn't ready to answer. He focused on his math book so that he didn't have to see the disappointment in Artie's eyes.

The next day, Artie managed to accidentally roll over Blaine's foot with his wheelchair. Blaine didn't say anything because he figured that he deserved it.

The Vogue shoot was after school. Blaine tried to make an excuse, but Lauren hadn't listened so he was stuck. He did his best to hide in the background. Kurt, for his part, stayed away from Blaine. Their silent truce lasted well into the night.

After an afternoon of feigning disinterest in the music, Blaine couldn't help himself. During the last shot, he snuck out of the drama room and into the hall, figuring that he could dance along to the music in the deserted hallway without anyone seeing. Instead, he found Kurt leaning against a wall, looking utterly exhausted.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked before he could stop himself.

Kurt shrugged. "Just tired, I guess."

"Anything in particular?" Blaine asked.

"You can probably imagine," Kurt said. "Don't worry, I wouldn't want to drag anyone else into my mess. I wouldn't wish this on anyone else. If you ever need to talk, though, trust me, I can be discrete – even if you wouldn't know it to look at me." There was a bitterness in Kurt's voice that Blaine had never heard before.

"I'm sorry," Blaine whispered.

"I know," said Kurt. "And I know you didn't mean—you didn't make things easier for me, though."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said again, feeling hopeless.

Kurt's mouth twisted into something between a smile and the puckered expression one got after eating a lemon. "You're scared of being me. I get it. It's not so bad, though. Being out, I mean. Being free to be who I am, whatever they think."

Blaine looked around quickly, but the hall was still deserted. Kurt deflated and seemed ready to walk back into the drama room. Blaine tried to tell himself, _It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. You don't need someone to talk to. Keep your head down and get into a nice, liberal college of your choice and then you can be yourself. You can wait until then to find someone who understands you_.

_This is your only chance_, said the other voice in Blaine's head, the one that Blaine liked to think of as the stupid one. Blaine took a deep breath then grabbed Kurt's hand and dragged him into a supply closet far enough that no one would ever be able to know that they'd talked.

Blaine found a spare piece of string on a shelf and twisted it between his fingers. Kurt waited patiently while Blaine tried to find his words. "I was out at my old school. I didn't mean to be, but someone, somewhere put two and two together and started the rumour. I never confirmed it, but I couldn't bring myself to lie and deny it, either, and that was enough to add oil to the flames."

"I can understand that," said Kurt. "I only officially came out at the beginning of the year. Most people just laughed and said, _Really?_ since I was never exactly subtle. Even my father had known for years."

Blaine looked at his piece of string rather than Kurt. "Mine didn't. He never noticed the bruises or the stains on my clothes. He didn't notice that my hair was always wet when he got home because I had to wash it every day after school to get the gum out. He never wondered why I looked into taking up sport outside school to satisfy my gym requirement. He only noticed when they locked me in a closet after school and I was stuck there until the next morning when a teacher came to get more paper for the photocopier. Then he wanted to know why."

"Was he supportive?" asked Kurt.

"More than some, less than others," said Blaine. "He never explicitly said anything, but he's been at me to be more _manly_, like that will make me less gay. Before I started here, he made very clear that he expects me to keep my head down, because he doesn't think I'm strong enough to deal with it if the bullying starts up again. Fair enough, I mean, I'm not."

"I'm sorry," said Kurt.

"You didn't do anything," said Blaine, finally looking Kurt in the eye. "I'm pretty sure I'm the one who's supported to be apologising to you."

There was an awkward silence.

"Anyway," said Blaine, "Thanks for listening. I should get back to—"

"Right," said Kurt.

They stood there, far too close in the confined space, staring into each other's eyes and it was like Blaine was an iron filing and Kurt was a magnet and he was being drawn in and was about to—

Blaine pulled abruptly away and slammed the closet door open, hurrying back down the hall to the drama room. Kurt followed enough minutes later for it not to be suspicious. Blaine tried to read Kurt to see if there was anything in his expression or posture that would give Blaine away, but his true feelings were hidden under a blank smile.

He couldn't help but be grateful for that. Even though Blaine was a dick, Kurt was still willing to help him keep his secret.

* * *

><p>Kurt shouldn't have cared when Blaine walked out of that closet, even if it had felt an awful lot like <em>that<em> sort of moment. Blaine wasn't his type – not that Kurt was sure what his type was, but Blaine certainly wasn't it. He was nothing like Finn. He was shorter than Kurt, for one thing, and actually seemed to have a brain. More importantly, though, while Finn had done something (however small) to try to make Kurt's life easier when he faced the bullies, Blaine had only ever managed to make things harder.

When Blaine had called him a fag, Kurt had understood. He really had. He remembered when he'd been so scared of the idea that someone might realise that he was gay. He'd joined the football team purely to avoid coming out to his father. He hoped that he would never have said anything so hateful, but he couldn't promise himself that because, despite his best efforts, he'd never been able to fly under the radar. Kurt had no idea what he might have done to fit in, if only he'd had the chance to.

After Blaine had said what he'd said, gossip started. The homophobic jocks in the class hadn't seen a scared closeted boy lashing out. They'd seen an openly gay guy harassing a straight guy until the straight guy snapped and ran out of the room in terror. It had only gotten worse when it became apparent that Blaine had dropped the subject, since the only _possible_ explanation was that Blaine was so scared that he couldn't stand the thought of being in the same room as Kurt.

Kurt wanted someone to protect him from the bruises and the slushy stains, not someone who made it all worse. He should have hated Blaine, but he couldn't, because under it was a nagging joy that at least he wasn't alone.

And then Blaine had dropped the subject and abandoned him and Kurt was alone again.

Kurt hated to be alone.

When Blaine had stopped out of the room, it had been an opportunity to not be alone. Blaine had dragged him into a closet and even though Kurt didn't like Blaine like that Kurt had shivered because Blaine was a boy and it felt _intimate_ to be in a confined space with him.

Kurt shouldn't have read anything into that moment. They weren't even friends, after all, even if Blaine had trusted Kurt in a way Kurt suspected he'd never trusted anyone else. But then they were staring into each other's eyes and Blaine seemed to be leaning in and everything in Kurt ached because he'd been so, _so_ sure that he never going to be able to experience any of that, any of those ordinary conventions of teenage romance that everyone else took for granted.

Kurt was under no illusion. He wasn't in love with Blaine. He didn't even have a crush on Blaine, like he did on Finn. Blaine had done nothing to earn that sort of worship. Hell, Kurt hardly knew Blaine at all, so there was no real rung for Kurt to hang feelings on. He was hot, but a lot of people were hot. Kurt didn't feel anything for Blaine in particular.

However, Kurt didn't want to be alone and Blaine was Kurt's only real option. Kurt was under no illusion. He was falling for Blaine purely because Blaine was the first other gay guy that Kurt had met. Kurt had no feelings for Blaine, so it shouldn't have mattered when Blaine turned and fled.

It still stung.

* * *

><p>Blaine was in love.<p>

He was in love with a boy who had an impeccable sense of style. A boy who was smart and nsot afraid to show it. A boy who had a voice like an angel. A boy who was sweet and compassionate and willing to listen. A boy who had so much courage. A boy who was everything that Blaine wasn't.

It wasn't a massive change – Blaine had always found Kurt attractive, though he'd never had the courage to admit it to himself – and yet at the same time it was. Blaine wanted to run down the hall, singing at the top of his lungs, so that everyone knew what he felt. He wanted to jump up on a table in the cafeteria and dance until Kurt came up to join him. He wanted to walk straight up to the bullies and tell them that he didn't give a _fuck_ what they thought and then climb up on the back of Kurt's metaphorical horse and ride off into a metaphorical sunset with him.

He didn't.


	4. Chapter 4

After the Vogue shoot, Blaine took to eating lunch in the library.

He didn't really have anyone to sit with any more. Artie still wasn't speaking to him and the rest of the A/V club had taken Artie's side. He'd apparently spoken to Tina because her and Mike were also giving Blaine the silent treatment as well.

Blaine could deal with that. He really could. It was better like this. Less chance of someone guessing his secret and sharing it with the whole school.

He was kind of lonely, though. Just a bit, anyway.

When Blaine passed Kurt in the hall, Blaine tried to meet Kurt's eye, but Kurt seemed to be ignoring him, which was strange because Blaine had thought that Kurt had accepted his apology. He thought that they'd come to some sort of an understanding. Apparently not.

He wanted to talk to Kurt again. Not in public – Blaine wasn't convinced that he could be around Kurt without doing something stupid, like bursting into the most dopey love song that he could think of in the middle of the hall. He hoped, though, that Kurt would find some pretext to come up to Blaine when no one was around so that they could, maybe, share experiences of something. Or, talk about television or movies or something stupid like that. Blaine didn't really care.

Maybe that was another reason that Blaine had taken to eating lunch in the relative privacy of the library.

_Maybe I should be the one to go up and talk to him_, thought Blaine when he caught sight of Kurt through the crowd of people on the way to Math. Kurt was dressed like a lumberjack today (and what was with that?) and walked hand-in-hand with the blond cheerleader.

Blaine stepped closer and smiled in Kurt's direction. Kurt caught his eye for a moment, then turned back to Brittany and whispered something in her ear, leaving Blaine standing in the hallway.

Lunch in the library was more habit than anything by now. It was for the best, anyway, Blaine figured. Kurt had been walking around in a Lady Gaga outfit this last week. Blaine was wearing jeans and a t-shirt so as to not stand out.

He was surprised when Kurt suddenly appeared and sat himself in the seat opposite. "I think we should talk," Kurt said.

He looked smaller than he had only two days ago, though perhaps that was because he was back in what, for him, passed as normal clothes. Blaine thought there was more to it than that, though. There was a sadness around Kurt's eyes that Blaine would swear hadn't been there before, as though Kurt had given up on something precious.

"Okay," said Blaine, heart beating quickly. _Calm down_, he told himself. _This doesn't mean anything_. He laid his hands carefully on the table in front of him to listen to what Kurt had to say.

* * *

><p><em>Faggy<em>. The word echoed around in Kurt's mind. _Faggy._ _Faggy lamp _and _faggy couch blanket_, Finn had said, but what he was really saying was that Kurt was faggy and should go and get fucked so that he could stop causing problems for real men like Finn. Kurt didn't need to crush on a guy like that, not when he made Kurt feel like a piece of shit. Kurt needed someone who would have even the slightest chance of liking him back.

At school, Kurt found himself walking towards the library (and Blaine) without even thinking about it. He knew where Blaine had taken to hanging out from Artie and he knew that Blaine wanted to be friends with him, despite everything. Before, that hadn't seemed important.

Now, Kurt knew the most important thing, which was that Blaine had apologised for what he'd said and meant it, which was more than Kurt could say for any of the other assholes in this school. Even Mercedes had asked Kurt if just maybe he was taking things a little too hard when he'd told her about what Finn had said.

"I think we should talk," said Kurt, quickly slipping into the seat opposite Blaine.

The library was empty. Kurt had made sure of that. Blaine wouldn't want it to get out that they'd been talking.

Strangely, this time Blaine didn't look around. He seemed intensely focused on Kurt, like there was nothing else in the world that mattered to him. It was nice, to feel worthy of someone else's full attention in a situation where he wasn't being sworn at.

"Okay," said Blaine, wringing his hands slightly, before placing them on the table in front of him. Kurt could see that they were shaking, as much as Blaine tried to hide it.

The problem with not planning this was that Kurt wasn't sure of what he wanted to say. He closed his eyes for a long moment before deciding to just tell the truth. "I don't care that you called me a fag. Not anymore. I don't care that you dropped French and proceeded to avoid me, just when I was hoping that I'd found someone else who would understand what I'm going through. It's just—lately, I've come to realise that I can't get what I need from straight guys. I was prepared to settle – God, I was prepared to settle – but I'm starting to realise that that's not enough. I didn't think I'd meet anyone like me until college, but now that I've met you, I can't pretend that I didn't."

Blaine was looking at Kurt as though Easter and Christmas and his birthday had all come at once. Kurt shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. Blaine swallowed and took a deep breath before speaking and when he did it was at barely more than a whisper. "Are you asking me out?"

Kurt wanted it all. He wanted to hold hands and slow dance and sing duets. More than that, he wanted to _matter_ to someone. He wanted to be someone's _boyfriend_, even if he couldn't get anything else out of it. "I am," Kurt said. Even if Blaine wasn't willing to be anything more than that, wasn't willing to hold hands or slow dance or sing duets in public, it was better to be with Blaine than with no one at all.

* * *

><p>Blaine sucked in his breath hard. The boy he loved liked him back. It was more than he'd ever hoped for. He wanted to jump up and down and punch a fist into the air and grab Kurt and kiss him right on the lips in front of everyone.<p>

"I'm not as strong as you," Blaine said instead.

Kurt's face shuttered quickly and he pushed his seat back, ready to stand. Blaine grabbed his hand before he could move away.

"Wait. I mean, I'm not ready to—to tell everyone about me, you know? I can't—I'm not as brave as you, Kurt and you deserve so much better than me. You deserve a guy who'll scream his love for you from the rooftops, not someone who'd hurt you to keep a secret. But if you're willing to have me, I'd love to be your boyfriend."

Kurt looked Blaine straight in the eye for a moment before nodding stiffly. "I think that's acceptable."

"Good. Great!" It took Blaine a long moment to realise that he was grinning broadly. He tried to dim it down into something more acceptable but couldn't contain the joy building in his chest. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," said Kurt.

* * *

><p>Kurt was making Blaine happy. He was giving Blaine what he'd wanted at no cost. He was agreeing to hide a relationship when really he wanted to shout from the rooftops that he had a boyfriend and <em>finally<em> wasn't alone. Blaine was the one getting a good deal out of this.

So why did Kurt feel like he was the one using Blaine?


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt paced nervously back and forth in the front foyer, checking his watch. Dad was out and Blaine was due to arrive at any minute. Kurt coaxed himself to the living room so that he could be sitting in front of the television portraying an aura of calm when Blaine arrived, then he heard the sound of a car door from outside and was back at the front door, waiting so that he could open it the moment that Blaine rang the doorbell.

After their brief discussion in the library, Kurt had invited Blaine over that afternoon so that they could see each other without anyone else around. Blaine had smiled shyly and nodded and Kurt had inwardly kicked himself at how suggestive his words had come out.

The doorbell. Kurt opened the door to reveal a blushing Blaine, standing on the doorstep with a bouquet of roses.

"These are for you," he said, handing them to Kurt.

Kurt led Blaine through to the kitchen so that he could put the flowers in a vase. Neither of them wanted to be the first to break the silence, which was rapidly becoming awkward.

"I thought your Lady Gaga costume was fantastic," Blaine said eventually.

"You like Gaga?" asked Kurt.

Blaine agreed effusively.

That was enough to break the ice. They ended up ostensibly watching a movie, though Kurt wouldn't remember a thing that happened because they spent the whole time talking about everything under the sun: Lady Gaga; Patti LuPone; politics; Neil Patrick Harris; Project Runway. They had so much in common.

For the first time in his life, Kurt felt like he didn't have to censor himself.

There was no real PDA. Well, Kurt's knees bumped against Blaine's as they sat on the couch and halfway through the movie, Blaine reached over and took Kurt's hand, smiling nervously. Kurt squeezed it back.

Kurt was startled when he looked up at the clock and realised that it was six o'clock and Blaine had better get going. He walked Blaine to the door. Blaine was about to leave when Kurt stopped him. "Wait."

He hesitated, then stepped forward. His lips brushed against Blaine's lightly, in a chaste peck on the lips. Blaine's cheeks went red and he grinned broadly at Kurt.

"Thanks," Blaine said after a moment. "I've had a great time. I—" He cut himself off, flushing even redder. "Thanks. I guess I'll see you...?"

"Tomorrow?" Kurt supplied.

Blaine ducked his head before walking out the door.

Kurt had had a great time, too.

* * *

><p>Blaine's first date with Kurt: amazing. He would never be able to describe <em>why<em> to anyone else, because it wasn't due to anything concrete. It was mostly just good conversation about things that Blaine should probably have thought of as trivial but didn't with someone else who seemed to understand just how important it was to _care_ about Gaga or LuPone or Project Runway or Neil Patrick Harris. It was nice to not have to pretend that they were guilty pleasures.

Then, to top it off, Blaine's first kiss.

In less than twenty-four hours, Blaine's world had transformed from a cold and lonely place to a place of sunshine and butterflies and rainbows and chocolate and freshly mowed grass and more rainbows. In addition to his new relationship with Kurt (boyfriends!), things had improved at school.

In Mandarin, Tina and Mike started talking to him again.

"Kurt says that he forgave you," Tina explained, "so that means we can't hold a grudge on his behalf."

Mike nodded his agreement.

"I am sorry for what I said," Blaine explained. "I didn't mean it."

Tina looked at him speculatively but didn't say anything. Blaine hoped to God that she was trying to figure out if he meant what he said and wasn't on to his secret, but it was hard to tell – a couple of lessons ago she'd spent the lesson talking about the ho yay potential between Light and L in _Death Note_, so she was both open minded and inclined to look for that sort of thing.

Artie also came up with him in the library asking him to come back and sit with the A/V club at lunchtimes, having also been told that Blaine had fixed things with Kurt.

"Good on you, bro," said Artie, offering Blaine a fist bump.

Blaine couldn't talk to Kurt at school. He couldn't. That didn't stop him doing little things. He smiled in Kurt's direction when they passed each other in the halls and was glad to see Kurt smile back. He left little notes in Kurt's locker – little tiny shreds of paper that Kurt could pretend to ignore if anyone else was around – with random questions and observations and comments on the television shows they shared.

On the day that Kurt seemed to be in down, Blaine arrived on Kurt's doorstep with another bunch of flowers (bought from a store two towns over so that no one would know) and presented them to Kurt.

"We're doomed," Kurt said. Regionals were coming up and Kurt was worried about their chances against Vocal Adrenaline.

"You're not doomed, silly," Blaine said. "I've heard you sing. You're amazing."

"Vocal Adrenaline are better," Kurt said. "They came to visit and—ugh, we're in such a funk at the moment."

"Well," said Blaine, "Vocal Adrenaline don't have a Kurt Hummel. That's got to count for something."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "When have you even heard me sing."

Blaine shrugged. "I heard you sing with the Cheerios, remember? '4 Minutes'? You and Mercedes were on fire." Blaine swallowed. "I also heard 'Defying Gravity'. You were amazing. I've never understood why you threw that note."

Kurt's jaw dropped. "What...how? You weren't even _there_ when I sang 'Defying Gravity'."

"I was, uh, walking past the choir room at the time. Can you blame me for stopping to listen?" Blaine said, trying not to make himself sound like an absolute stalker.

Kurt said something so quietly that Blaine had to ask him to say it again. "I did it for my dad. We got a phone call – you know, the anonymous kind? My dad, well, he's always been supportive. He fought for me to get to audition for that solo. But he wasn't ready to deal with things like that. I threw one note and I saved him a lot of phone calls."

"I can understand that," Blaine said.

Maybe they were more alike than Blaine had thought.

Regionals came. Blaine sat in the crowd to cheer New Directions on. When they came in third, he had to fight the urge to stand up and boo at the judges. He couldn't go over Kurt's that afternoon – Kurt was going out with New Directions to a post-performance dinner – but when he went over the next afternoon, he came bearing the sappiest romance and the most gory slasher flick he could find, since he wasn't sure if Kurt wanted to be distracted by something warm and happy or to take his frustration out by watching people be killed in increasingly bloody ways. Blaine was relieved when Kurt chose the romance.

He shared Kurt's sigh of relief at New Direction's last minute reprieve. He spent that afternoon helping Kurt go through songs for him to audition with next year.

"It's cheesy, but it's fun!" Blaine argued, waving around a copy of the _High School Musical _soundtrack.

"Please," said Kurt. "You only like it because you think Zach Effron's hot."

Blaine pouted. "Not as hot as you," he said, causing Kurt to blush. "Come on. It's perfect for your group of underdogs." He pressed play on the soundtrack and sung along.

"_It's hard to believe  
>That I couldn't see<br>You were always there beside me_."

Blaine inclined his head for Kurt to take the next line.

"_Thought I was alone  
>With no one to hold<br>But you were always right beside me._"

They sang the next part together.

"_This feeling's like no other  
>I want you to know<br>I've never had someone that knows me like you do  
>The way you do<br>I've never had someone as good for me as you  
>No one like you<br>So lonely before, I finally found  
>What I've been looking for.<em>"

Blaine stared into Kurt's eyes. He was in love with a guy who actually liked him back and that was more than he'd ever expected to have while at high school. For once, things seemed to be going his way.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe my first duet with a guy is to a song from <em>High School Musical<em>," Kurt muttered afterwards.

"You liked it," said Blaine. "Don't deny it."

"Okay, fine, I liked it," said Kurt. Actually, it had been amazing. Kurt had never heard Blaine sing before. He had a confidence while singing that he lacked the rest of the time. It felt like Kurt was seeing the real Blaine, under all his insecurities. Kurt liked what he saw. "I don't think that would work for a solo audition, though."

"Maybe not," said Blaine, shrugging. "Maybe I just wanted an excuse to sing a duet with you." He grinned at Kurt. Kurt could tell that Blaine really liked him.

Kurt felt a twinge of guilt again and worked hard to bury it.

"Seriously – all the duets in the world and you chose that one?" Kurt said.

"Fine," said Blaine. "You can choose the next one."

* * *

><p>In Mandarin, the teacher surprised the class by coming in pushing a karaoke machine on a trolley.<p>

"Karaoke is Japanese," Mike muttered.

"Don't complain," Tina whispered back. "It's an excuse to sing."

Blaine stared at the shiny black machine. He hadn't sung in public in almost a year, but after spending the last couple of afternoons singing with Kurt he wasn't sure if he could resist. It wasn't that much of a risk, Blaine decided. The other guys in his class were joining in, after all. He just had to choose the right song.

When Blaine was handed the microphone, he flicked through the catalogue with shaking hands before making his selection. He closed his eyes and nodded through the opening beats.

"_You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs,  
>But I look around me and I see it isn't so<em>..."

Watching his classmates begin to respond, Blaine realised how much he'd missed this. A jock in the back corner was snapping his fingers along to the beat. A Cheerio was staring intently at Blaine with a broad smile on her face. Tina and Mike were dancing along.

"_I love you, I love you,  
>I love you, I love you<em>..."

He loved doing this. He spun around on a chair on "_here I go_" and jumped on the teacher's desk. His classmates clapped and cheered. Even the teacher was smiling at him.

Why had he ever stopped?

"_Love doesn't come in a minute,  
>Sometimes it doesn't come at all<br>I only know that when I'm in it  
>It isn't silly, no, it isn't silly, love isn't silly at all<em>,  
><em>Not at all.<em>"

After he sang the final, "_And what's wrong with that?_" he jumped off the teacher's desk and went back to sit next down to Tina and Mike.

"Good job, bro!" said Mike.

"Wow! You're really talented," said Tina.

"You should join Glee," said Mike.

Tina nodded in agreement.

Still high on the performance, Blaine said, "Sure, why not?" By the time he'd come down enough to regret it, he was already being dragged towards the choir room for his first ever New Directions meeting.

Kurt had his back turned and was chatting to Mercedes when Blaine walked into the room. The chatter stopped as everyone noticed the new arrival. Kurt turned to see what had caught everyone else's attention. When he saw Blaine, his expression froze into something unreadable.

"Hey, everyone," said Blaine.

"We heard him sing in Mandarin class and he was great," Tina explained.

Blaine scratched his neck at the compliment – agreeing seemed arrogant. "I was in Glee at my old school," he said. "I've already met a few of you, I guess," he added after a moment, staring at Kurt trying to draw him into some sort of response. Shit. This was a terrible idea.

Maybe it wasn't too late to back out.

"I haven't decided if I'm joining yet," he said quickly. "I mean, I see the crap that you guys go through and I'm not sure if you're looking for extra members—"

"You should stay," said Kurt.

He still wasn't meeting Blaine's eyes, but his words were enough. "Okay, sure," said Blaine. He went and sat in the free seat beside Kurt.

Since it was after competitions season, they were mostly just mucking around and bonding as a group. Blaine had been quiet for so long that he wasn't sure how to fit in among this sudden explosion of voices and discussions and competition for solos. That was okay, though – he was perfectly happy to sit back and dance along and sing backup. They needed someone to sway in the background and it was more than Blaine had done in a long time.

Blaine found it hard to be in the same room as Kurt without knocking knees with him and striking up a conversation about _Grey's Anatomy_ or at least staring lovingly in Kurt's direction. They hadn't even been together that long – only a couple of weeks. He shouldn't be feeling like this, like he was more and more in love with Kurt every day as he got to know him better and better.

Kurt was obviously fine with feigning indifference. In between songs, he turned to Mercedes to gossip, leaving Blaine to chat with Artie and Tina. Blaine tried not to feel jealous. It had been his idea not to admit that they were dating at school, after all. This was what he'd wanted.

After a full week of rehearsals, Blaine was walking out of the choir room when he was hit full in the face by a slushy. The jock smirked at him and walked on. Blaine was hoping that Kurt would help him, but it was Mike who grabbed him and pulled him into the men's room.

"It gets easier," Mike said. "They don't go after us as much, anyway. It's the girls and Kurt who get the worst of it. They want to send you a message because you're new, but if you're quiet like me it probably won't happy too often."

Strangely enough, even after months of dreading the idea, it wasn't as scary as Blaine had expected. It was cold and painful, but it was just frozen water. It didn't cause any permanent damage and was outweighed by the happiness of being in Glee.

In the final week of term, Mr Schuester offered Blaine the chance to sing a song to express his feelings. Blaine hesitated before choosing the Police classic that he'd heard sung at a cousin's wedding.

After Glee, Blaine was on his way out of school when Kurt pulled him into a supply closet.

"Seriously?" Kurt asked.

"I thought it was romantic," said Blaine.

"It's a stalker song," Kurt told him.

Blaine thought about it. "Huh. I never realised. That actually makes a lot of sense."

"We really need to work on your song choices," Kurt said affectionately, taking Blaine's hand. "Anyway, weren't you the one who wanted to keep this quiet? What if they'd realised?"

"I wasn't that obvious," Blaine muttered. "They probably thought that I had an unrequited crush on some girl that I'm far too shy to talk to."

Kurt smiled at him.

"Anyway," Blaine added, "wanting to keep this private doesn't mean that I don't still want to sing my boyfriend a song to tell him how much I love him."

Kurt pulled his hand away. "You what?"

Blaine mentally replayed what he'd said and oh, shit, he'd used the L-word and it was _way_ too early in their relationship to be saying things like that. "Just a figure of speech," he said, trying to backtrack.

"Okay," said Kurt. His fingertips brushed against Blaine's for a moment as he stepped out of the closet.

As Blaine waited until a reasonable time had passed before he could step out without raising suspicion, he hoped that he hadn't ruined everything.

* * *

><p>Blaine loved Kurt. He might have tried to take it back, but he loved Kurt. Kurt had known that. It shouldn't have come as a surprise. He'd seen the expression on Blaine's face when he'd first asked Blaine out. He'd gotten the notes and the smiles in the hallway. He'd sung a duet with Blaine and had even heard about the song Blaine had sung in Mandarin class. He knew how much this relationship meant to Blaine.<p>

Blaine loved Kurt.

Kurt didn't love Blaine.

He wanted to. He hadn't expected much when he'd asked Blaine out. He'd just wanted to have a boyfriend. He hadn't thought beyond that. Then these past few weeks had been amazing. Kurt and Blaine had so much in common. Kurt could talk to Blaine more freely than he could talk to anyone else, even Mercedes. If things had been different, Kurt was sure that Blaine would have become one of his best friends. Scratch that, he _was_ becoming one of Kurt's best friends.

But Blaine loved Kurt and Kurt didn't love Blaine.

That meant that Kurt was leading Blaine along. He was using Blaine to get what he needed when he couldn't give Blaine what Blaine needed in return.

Kurt hadn't minded Blaine's suggestion that they keep things private. Kurt was the sort of boy who needed to express his feelings. He'd always thought that when he got a real boyfriend, he'd shout it from the rooftops. They'd hold hands and slow dance at prom and sing flirty duets in the choir room. If he couldn't have that, then it couldn't be a real relationship. In asking to keep things private, Blaine had given Kurt the out he needed, because if Kurt couldn't do all those couple things then he didn't need to feel anything because what they had wasn't _real_.

Except, it was real, because Blaine loved Kurt even though Kurt didn't love Blaine.

Maybe it could have worked, if they'd stuck to avoiding each other at school. Kurt could have let feelings develop within the four brick walls of his house, where the two of them could sing flirty duets and knock knees under the kitchen table when they had a coffee, and not have had to hide them elsewhere. But Blaine had joined New Directions, so Kurt couldn't let himself develop feelings and keep them a secret. Kurt wasn't subtle. Everyone had known about his crush on Finn.

Blaine wanted their relationship to be a real relationship with feelings but didn't want everything that went with it. Kurt couldn't let it be a real relationship with feelings _without_ having everything that went with it.

Blaine loved Kurt and thought that Kurt felt something back. Kurt didn't. That meant that Kurt was using Blaine and Blaine was too naive to realise.

That night, Kurt phoned Blaine.

"Hey," said Blaine, sounding very much like an excited puppy dog. There was a shuffling sound from the other end of the line as Blaine shut the door of his room and turned off his stereo. "Listen, I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean—"

"I'm sorry, too," said Kurt.

"What for?" Blaine asked. He sounded concerned _for_ Kurt, concerned that Kurt felt bad for something that wasn't his fault. He had no idea of what was coming.

"I can't do this anymore," Kurt told Blaine. It wasn't fair on either of them.

He hung up the phone before Blaine could say anything, so that he didn't have to hear the heartbreak in Blaine's voice.


	6. Chapter 6

Blaine listened to the dial tone for more than a minute before hanging up and throwing his phone down on his bed. After a moment he picked it up and dialled Kurt's number from memory. No answer. He tried again. This time Kurt had switched his phone off.

"Kurt, please," Blaine said to Kurt's voicemail. "Can we at least talk about this? Call me back. I promise I won't be mad—just, let me know why. You owe me that, at least." He hung up and threw his phone onto the floor.

Somehow, he didn't expect a response.

Blaine wanted to lie on his bed, drowning out everything with his iPod, but he'd spent too much time hanging out with Kurt, singing along to the music. Everything had associations. Blaine buried his face in his pillow and lay there with his eyes closed.

Someone opened the door of Blaine's room and Blaine looked up, hoping for a split-second that it was Kurt, come to apologise and explain. It wasn't. Blaine's father stood in the doorway, looking at Blaine.

"You didn't come down to dinner," Dad said.

Blaine shrugged and made no effort to move.

Dad came and sat on the bed beside Blaine, his eyes flickering as he noted Blaine's phone lying on the carpet. "Did you get an anonymous caller?" he asked. When Blaine didn't answer, Dad added, "You can be honest with me. I just want to know – was it something that I need to report?"

"No," said Blaine. "It wasn't anything like that."

"Good," said Dad. "I was hoping that you weren't having that type of trouble at your new school."

"I'm not," Blaine said.

"Good," Dad said again.

There was an awkward silence.

"You know," said Dad, "if you were, you could come to me, right? You're my son and I wouldn't let anyone get away with pushing you around. I mean, it's easier if we don't have to, but if something happens—I do want you to feel able to come to me."

"Thanks, Dad," Blaine whispered. Blaine and his father didn't talk, not about things that mattered, anyway. Usually they just caught a game together. Their conversation usually only extended to Dad booing the players' mistakes while Blaine cheered players' triumphs. They had never discussed the reasons for Blaine's transfer.

Blaine had told his parents that he was gay on that day, months ago. It hadn't come up since. That...pissed Blaine off. He was grateful, he really was, that it hadn't changed things – a lot of kids weren't so lucky – but sometimes Blaine felt like it was a big secret. When a family friend had asked whether Blaine had a girlfriend, Dad had said that Blaine was focusing on his studies. Even if it was sort of true, it still felt like Dad was determined to keep Blaine in the closet.

And now Dad was finally initiating a conversation. Blaine snuggled closer to his father. Dad put his arm around Blaine and took Blaine's hand and rubbed it with his thumb, like he had when Blaine was little. "I get scared for you, sometimes. Things would be so much easier if you were s—I don't like to think of what you had to go through at your old school. But what was worse was how you felt you couldn't come to me about it. I want to be someone that you can talk to if you have problems."

Blaine hesitated.

"What is it?" Dad asked.

"How—how would you feel if I had a boyfriend?" Blaine asked tentatively.

There was a moment's silence as Dad thought about it. "It would make things harder, wouldn't it?" Dad said. "At school, I mean. But if it made you happy, well, I guess I'd have to try to be happy for you, because that's more important than anything." Another moment, then Dad asked, "Is there a boy I should know about?"

That was enough to open the floodgates. Blaine leaned against his father and started to cry. He father held him, like he had when Blaine was young and had grazed his knee jumping off a picnic table. He'd liked climbing on furniture even then. On that day, he was pretending to be Quasimodo, swinging down from a high balcony on Notre Dame. Blaine had pretended that he was saving Phoebus, not Esmeralda, though he didn't know why. In his games, he'd had courage.

He was going to have to try to have courage in real life, too.

When Kurt continued failing to answer his phone, Blaine tried knocking on his door, but still received no response. He walked back to his car, head bowed and considered sitting in the car and waiting until Kurt appeared, but realised that would probably cross the line into stalker territory.

They'd have to see each other eventually, Blaine reasoned. Summer break had just begun, so they didn't have school, but Blaine had already been invited to a number of New Directions outings. By the third outing (a trip to the mall), Blaine realised that maybe there was a reason that Kurt didn't show when Blaine went.

When Quinn invited Blaine to a fourth outing at the beginning of the third week of break (a pool party at her house), Blaine made up a prior engagement. On the day of the party, Blaine called Quinn to tell her that his prior engagement had conveniently fallen through, allowing Blaine to come after all.

Kurt noticed Blaine the moment he walked into the pool area and _froze_. Blaine gave a sideways smile and a shrug, inclining his head slightly towards the kitchen to invite Kurt inside to talk. When Blaine had finished greeting everyone, he headed to the kitchen and was surprised to find Kurt obediently waiting for him.

"We're over, right?" Blaine asked, just to confirm it.

Kurt nodded.

"Okay. Are you willing to tell me why?"

Kurt shrugged. Blaine took that as a no.

"Fine," he said, sitting himself on the counter.

Kurt looked at Blaine as if to convey, _If you don't have anything more to say, I'm going back outside_.

"I hate this," Blaine told him. "I mean, I get it – you dumped me, I'm a big boy and should move on." And damn it if his voice didn't crack slightly on the word dumped. "But I'd thought—or, well, I'd hoped, anyway – that we were friends. You were sort of my best friend, even though I understand that I was never yours. Could we, maybe, try going back to being just friends."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "We were never _just friends_ to begin with, Blaine. We stared at each other across a room in French, but you wouldn't talk to me. When I tried to talk to you, you called me a fag. We had a grand total of one conversation before we started dating. We went straight from _nothing_ to boyfriends. I don't know if 'friends' is something we can go back to."

"Maybe it's something we can go forward to, then," Blaine said.

Kurt bit his lip for a moment, thinking about it, then sat himself on the counter beside Blaine. "I think I might like that."

"That's good, because I'd have been so pissed if you'd said no," Blaine said.

"Right," said Kurt.

And it was like before. They didn't chat about anything important, but they were smiling and laughing and joking and a knot inside Blaine loosened a bit. He had his best friend back. He was never going to do anything to risk that again.

"Thanks," Kurt said as they went back outside to join the others.

"No problem," said Blaine.

After that, the summer was much more fun. When New Directions weren't getting together as a group, Blaine hung out with just Kurt or, sometimes, his friend Michael from his old school or his friends from A/V club. When there was no one else, Blaine stayed home and spent time with his Dad.

Dad had bought them an old car to fix up. Blaine suspected there was more to it – something about how his father said, "It'll help make a man out of you," made Blaine suspect that, whatever Dad might say, this was a last ditch attempt to convince Blaine that things would be easier if he wasn't gay. Their conversation after the phone call from Kurt had broken the ice, though, and it was still nice to have some bonding time with his Dad.

One afternoon, Blaine invited Kurt around to join them. Blaine realised what a _terrible_ idea that was when Kurt looked up from the engine, covered in oil, and smirked in Blaine's direction. He wasn't making it easy for Blaine to fit him into the 'friend' slot in his mind.

Afterwards, Dad took Blaine aside.

"At least you have good taste," Dad said, sounding somewhere between bemused and regretful.

"He doesn't like me like that," Blaine reminded Dad.

"I know," said Dad. "But if he's the type of guy you want to bring home, well, I suppose things could be worse. He really knows his way around an engine, that kid. He's going to grow into a real man as he gets older."

It was a backhanded compliment, but Blaine decided to take what he could get.

Blaine still spent a lot of time down in Kurt's basement, watching television with him or singing along to the soundtrack to whatever music they were both obsessed with at the time. They also started venturing out of the environment of their failed relationship and into the wider world.

It was nice, but it was _hard_. Kurt would smile and joke about his latest scheme to steal a solo from under Rachel's nose and Blaine would want to bump his knees against Kurt's under the table. Kurt would be ranting about Finn's fashion sense and Blaine would want to take Kurt's hand to calm him down.

_Just friends_, Blaine told himself. _I have to be just friends or I'll ruin this_. He tried to convince himself to get over Kurt, but it was hard when Kurt was more vivid and beautiful than ever.

At every Glee gathering that summer, two little words had been on Blaine's mind. _Today's the day I'm going to tell them_, Blaine promised himself every morning as he got dressed. He arrived and greeted everyone. _I'll just wait for a good break in the conversation_, he told himself. When the break came, he decided, _It's too sudden a change of topic. I'll find a good segue_. When the segue came, he decided, _It would be too flippant. I don't want to make a massive thing about it, but I don't want it to be, like, oh, I forgot to tell you that I'm gay for months, now pass the pepper_. Afterwards, on his way home, he promised himself, _Tomorrow._

When he arrived at Artie's house for the sleepover, he figured in the back of his mind that things would follow the same pattern. It was just the guys tonight (except for Mike, who was at Asian camp, and Kurt, who was having a sleepover with Mercedes instead. Blaine tried not to wish that he was there). Accordingly, their conversation drifted to their favourite topic: chicks.

"Tina's the hottest," Artie insisted. "I can't wait until she gets back from Asian camp – then it'll be on, baby."

"_Dude_," Finn said. "You know that girls don't like it when you boast like that, especially when we all know you're not really getting any. And Rachel's totally the hottest."

Blaine leaned back against a wall, closing his eyes and zoning out until the sound of his own name pulled him out of his reverie.

"Who do you think's hottest, Blaine?" Puck asked. "We've all said."

Shit, shit, shit. "I, uh, I don't have anyone," Blaine said quickly.

Puck raised an eyebrow and gave him a look which clearly said, _yeah, right_, but let it pass. Blaine closed his eyes. This was his segue moment, he realised. If he didn't say anything now, he'd spend the rest of the night regretting it.

"Well, I mean, there aren't any girls I like, anyway," Blaine added. He could hear his voice shaking.

"Wait, no _girls_?" Artie asked. So, he'd picked the subtext.

"I, uh, I've never really been into girls much," Blaine said. He took a deep breath. "I'm gay."

"That's cool," said Puck. "I mean, don't peek at my junk, but it's cool."

"Who else knows?" Finn asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Kurt," Blaine said. "I mean, I never told him, but he guessed."

"You going to ask him out?" Finn asked.

"He's not into me like that," Blaine said.

"Damn," said Puck. "Dating sucks, sometimes." He held out his fist for Blaine to bump. Blaine happily accepted the gesture of singles solidarity.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Kurt," Finn said from across the kitchen counter. Finn had come over to watch a game with Dad and they were standing around while the popcorn was in the microwave.<p>

"Yes, Finn?" Kurt asked.

"Do you have a crush on Blaine?" Finn asked.

Kurt stopped suddenly, frowning. "What?"

Finn shrugged. "Just asking, man."

Kurt pulled out his phone and quickly typed a text to Blaine. _How come Finn just asked if I like you when in the past he's gotten annoyed at me for even LOOKING in the direction of a straight boy?_

It only took a second for Blaine to reply. _I came out to them last night at the sleep over._

_! Congrats!_ Kurt sent back.

"I'm not into Blaine that way," Kurt told Finn. "We're just friends. Just because we're both gay" and didn't it feel nice to be able to say those words and not have to lie for Blaine "doesn't mean that there have to be _feelings_. It's not like you fall in love with every girl you meet."

Finn shrugged. "I guess, but it's Blaine. He seems like a cool guy. What's there not to like?"

"He's not my type," Kurt said. He left the room before Finn could ask more uncomfortable questions.

Blaine wasn't Kurt's type. Kurt's type was tall and sweet and academically challenged, except that it wasn't because Finn could be a jerk sometimes. Maybe Kurt's type was just sweet, but a sweet guy would never have called Kurt a fag to save his own reputation. A sweet guy would put Kurt first. There weren't feelings between them – there _weren't_ – and Kurt wasn't going to make the mistake of thinking that the fact that they were both gay was enough, not again, not even when they had so much in common.

The first three weeks of summer had been awful. Kurt had wanted to talk about Broadway or fashion or gay rights and he'd turned to Mercedes and realised that she wouldn't be interested. He'd seen a story on the news and got out his phone to text Blaine before remembering, _Oh, we're not dating anymore_.

Blaine had knocked on Kurt's door and Kurt had hidden himself in his basement, turning his iPod up loud until Blaine left. He didn't trust himself to have the self-control if he saw Blaine. What they'd had wasn't working and Kurt knew that he couldn't go back.

The kissing had been nice – amazing, actually – but there were no real feelings. Kurt was a romantic. He could afford to wait for someone he was able to fall in love with.

Blaine had taken Kurt aside and asked if they could at least still be friends. Kurt had almost wept with relief, but he quenched his initial instinct. They hadn't been friends. Kurt couldn't miss something that he'd never had, he tried to tell himself. Things were easier this way.

"Maybe it's something we can go forward to, then," Blaine had said and Kurt's conviction wavered. He hadn't wanted to go back to the way things had been, but he'd hated how things were. Maybe they could go forward.

The summer was so much better with Blaine there. When it was just the two of them, Kurt could say whatever he wanted without censoring himself. Even in group situations, Kurt found himself addressing his wittiest comments in Blaine's direction and watching to see if he could make the quieter boy crack a smile.

It was hard, though. Hanging around Kurt's house, just the two of them, had too many memories of sitting together, Kurt's arm around Blaine's shoulders or of the two of them holding hands or of them kissing each other goodbye. Sitting at the kitchen table for a coffee, Kurt unconsciously brushed his hand against Blaine's leg under the table and then winced as he realised what he'd done.

They needed to get out into a new environment, so they started going out to the Lima Beam or shopping malls. Things were easier that way.

Kurt met Blaine's dad, too. He seemed a nice enough guy, but utterly out of his depth. When Blaine disappeared inside to get a drink, his father admitted, "I don't understand. I mean, he says he's gay but he's never even kissed a girl. Is it because he wants to be a woman or...?"

"No," Kurt said quickly. "No, that's not how it works. It's just—who he's attracted to, who he finds hot. I suspect that when you were quite young you started noticing girls and you knew you were interested long before you tried anything. It's just like that, except with boys. Blaine's just as much a man as anyone else."

Blaine's dad seemed satisfied with that. He spent the rest of the afternoon watching Blaine and Kurt with a frown on his face as though genuinely considering what Kurt had said. He wasn't cruel, Kurt realised, only deeply ignorant. And if he was ignorant he could learn – he _would_ learn, if he wanted to keep a relationship with Blaine and he really did seem to be interested in trying.

When it was time for Kurt to go home, Blaine walked Kurt to his car. Blaine was wearing a ratty old t-shirt and was covered in so much engine grease that Kurt was surprised that there was any left in the car.

Kurt felt a strange urge to lead Blaine to a shower and take that t-shirt off, and Blaine's jeans, too, then push Blaine under the water, against the tiled wall and—no, no, Kurt _didn't_ want to do that because they were just friends. Even if Blaine was, admittedly, sexy like this, they were just friends. They'd broken up for a _reason_ and some engine grease wasn't going to change that.

"See you tomorrow," Kurt said quickly, jumping in his car and driving off. In his shower at home, Kurt had to concentrate very hard on not imagining having Blaine in there with him.

That brought Kurt to today in the kitchen, when Finn told Kurt that Blaine had finally found the courage to come out.

That had to change things, Kurt thought. If Kurt wanted to be interested in Blaine, he was _allowed_ to and no one he cared about would think anything of it. If Kurt wanted to sing a ballad to Blaine in Glee, he could, without the straight guys looking at him as thought he was a predator. He'd be able to hold Blaine's hand while they sat on Mercedes' floor watching _American Idol_ with the rest of the group, arguing over whether they could sing better than the contestants. They could have a real relationship and not an illicit affair, if Kurt was just willing to say the word.

It _didn't_ change things, though, because Blaine was still Blaine and Kurt was still Kurt and the only reason that Kurt was considering this again was because Blaine was still Kurt's only option. Kurt had already tried that and had come out hating himself. He'd almost lost one of his best friends.

Kurt might want a boyfriend, but that was different to wanting _Blaine_ as a boyfriend. Kurt couldn't do that again.

_It doesn't change things_, Kurt told himself, trying to believe it.


	7. Chapter 7

Blaine knew how the McKinley gossip mill worked. He'd heard about Tina and Mike hooking up from Jacob's blog rather than from the parties concerned. He shouldn't have been surprised that Lauren would have heard that he was gay by the second day of term.

"So, are you?" she asked him.

He hesitated for a moment too long.

"Cool," she said, shoving a handful of potato crisps into her mouth. "You dating Hummel yet?"

Blaine coughed up his lunch. Lauren smacked his back, which didn't help him breathe but did make him feel like every bone in his body had been shattered.

"No," Blaine finally managed. "We're just friends."

"Well, you _should_ be dating," she told him. "He's hot, for a gay guy."

Blaine was getting very used to that reaction from his friends. Well, Mercedes' response had been to pull Blaine into the girls' bathroom and threaten his manhood if he ever hurt Kurt, but the gist was the same.

He'd enrolled in French again this year, since his reason for dropping the subject was now moot. He walked into the room and sat next to Kurt without hesitating.

"Hey," he said.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "You're out at school, now?"

Blaine shrugged. "Gossip travels fast, apparently."

Kurt made more room for Blaine on the surface of the desk. "I hope you're planning to partner with me. I don't think I can take another year of Azimio's blank incomprehension."

"Can't think of anything better," said Blaine with a wink.

Maybe the wink was a bit much. On his way out of the room, Blaine found himself falling. He windmilled his arms, letting his textbooks and folder go flying, before landing on the floor, hard.

"Oops," said Azimio with a smirk. As Kurt rushed forward to help Blaine, Azimio added, "Make sure you ask your boyfriend what we do to fags. Think about it. If you don't go back into the closet where you belong, we'll put you out with the trash." He walked off laughing.

Kurt helped Blaine gather his books and papers. "Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry about that," Blaine said to Kurt.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "_You're_ sorry? Did you hit your head? Do I need to take you to the nurse?"

Blaine straightened his books into a neat pile before picking them up. "Everyone thinks that we're dating."

Kurt shrugged. "It's a hazard of being one of only two out gay kids at this school. Let them. We know that we're just friends."

Blaine met Kurt's eyes and smiled. Kurt had nice eyes. At the moment they had a defiant glint to them, like Kurt was ready to say _fuck you _to the world. Any doubts Blaine had vanished. Kurt stood and offered his hand, helping Blaine to his feet. Blaine stretched his limbs out and resettled his books in his arms.

Kurt walked Blaine to his next class, leading Blaine into a discussion about Rachel's latest exploits. By the time Blaine arrived, he'd forgotten why his knees were aching and was ready to deal with another period of learning.

After school, he discovered that someone had scratched the word _fag_ into the hood of his car.

"Shit," he muttered, stepping closer to examine the damage. Dad was going to kill him. This was why Blaine had promised to himself that he'd keep his head down. It wasn't a large step from attacking his car to attacking him.

Blaine unlocked his car and climbed in, throwing his bag into the passenger seat. He reversed out of the parking space and stayed in first gear as he made his way through the parking lot. He saw Azimio and Karofsky watching from the front steps of the school. They winked at Blaine as he drove past.

Blaine had to force himself to keep driving and not jump out of the car and lay into them. They were ten times bigger than him. That should have been enough to make Blaine scared. He wasn't. He was pissed.

He was pissed that this had happened at his old school. He was pissed that the teachers there hadn't done anything when he reported the problem. He was pissed at himself for running away rather than doing something. He was pissed that this was starting again now and he was pissed at himself for letting them scare him.

_No more_, he promised himself.

Blaine made sure to park his car in the garage before Dad got home. At dinner he didn't say anything, hoping his father hadn't noticed. He spent that night tossing and turning, but still work up feeling fresh and determined.

When he got to school, he found the word _fag_ written on his locker. Blaine imitated a character in a book he'd read once and appended _and proud of it_ to the end. At lunch, he abandoned his A/V friends to sit with Kurt and made sure to smile and laugh twice as hard as usual. Kurt understood well enough to do the same.

The next time Blaine was at his locker, a hand pushed him from behind and he found himself falling into the metal, face first.

"Ow," he muttered, rubbing his jaw as he picked up.

"Thought you should get closer to your pride!" Karofsky shouted from further down the hall.

In Glee, Blaine offered the group a performance of Adam Lambert's 'Sure Fire Winners', making sure to give extra emphasis to "_Cos all the girls in the club want to know, where did all their pretty boys go?_" He would have sung 'Fever', too, with gender pronouns intact, but everyone else was busy being outraged that Rachel had sent a potential new recruit to a crack house. Blaine decided to shelve the song for later. Singing a sexy song like that would probably give Kurt the wrong idea, anyway.

"You're good," Kurt said later, "but Adam Lambert doesn't suit your voice."

Blaine shrugged. "I wanted to prove a point."

"Join the club," Kurt said. "No one listens, though."

"Then we'll make them listen," Blaine said.

Kurt looked at Blaine as though Blaine was hopelessly naive. "I guess so."

As the days passed, Blaine got used to carrying two extra sets of clothes with him at all times and learned the best ways to fall in order to minimise bruises. He held onto his anger because if was so much easier than being scared. Blaine didn't want to go back to that.

One afternoon, Blaine's father pulled him aside.

"What's this?" he asked, pointing to the hood of Blaine's car.

Blaine sighed. "I've been meaning to get it fixed, but I'm worried they'll just do it again. For now it seems easier to just keep it. Make a statement, you know?"

"It's started again, hasn't it?" Dad asked. "Why didn't you come to me?"

Blaine shrugged. "I'm a big boy now, Dad. I don't need your help – I can handle it by myself. I'd come to you if I did, but I'm strong enough to do this and I can't stand the thought of hiding who I am anymore."

Blaine was surprised when his father smiled. "You sound like a man."

"I guess I am one." It was funny, all these months and Blaine hadn't realised that all he had to do to make Dad happy was fit into some stereotype of what made a man. Blaine didn't think that his Dad was necessarily right – there were a great many situations where one was better off either letting things slide or admitting that one needed help. But Blaine felt stronger now. He felt surer of himself and more confident.

He decided that that was something he could take credit for.

At the beginning of the third week of term, Kurt pulled Blaine aside. "I've got tickets to a _Sound of Music_ sing along. Are you interested in coming?"

Blaine grinned. "Sure."

They walked to French singing 'I Have Confidence' and laughing at the strange looks they were getting. Blaine wondered how things would have been difference if he'd just had the courage and the confidence to do this a year ago: if he could have just stayed with Kurt in that first French class or joined New Directions at its conception or at least joined when Kurt invited him to. Maybe if he'd had the courage to stand up and not be invisible he could have been someone who Kurt could love back.

Oh, well. What was done was done and at least Blaine had the most amazing friend in the world.

He grabbed Kurt's hand. "_I have confidence they'll put me to the test__  
><em>But I'll make them see I have confidence in me<em>_."

They arrived in French giggling. The teacher rolled her eyes at them. They were her best students, though, so she let it pass without comment. It was a conversation lesson, so Blaine and Kurt were able to switch to French and keep right on talking about the fun they were going to have on Friday.

Blaine didn't noticed when Mr Schuester and Miss Pillsbury arrived, looking unusually serious. Kurt did and he stiffened. Blaine turned around and saw them and wondered why their strange appearance would provoke such a reaction in Kurt.

Kurt stood and followed them out of the room without being asked. Blaine hesitated then grabbed his things and walked after them, catching up just in time to hear Mr Schuester tell Kurt that his father was in hospital from a heart attack (_oh, God_) and then Kurt was breaking down and crying and saying something about Friday night which didn't make any sense and Blaine rushed forward and put his arms around Kurt because he knew that right now Kurt needed a friend more than anything and Blaine was so glad to be able to be that person for him.

After a moment Kurt pulled away. He asked if he could go see his father, standing so still and strong. His expression was blank.

Blaine knew that he was supposed to go back to class but he couldn't, not after this, so he got into his own car and drove after them. When he rejoined them on their way into the hospital, neither Mr Schuester nor Miss Pillsbury said anything.

They found Burt's room. Kurt asked for privacy. Blaine moved to follow the adults out but Kurt grabbed his hand. "No, you can stay," Kurt said. They sat there for hours, not saying anything, just holding hands.

It was Kurt who eventually broke the silence.

"We have a tradition," he said without preamble. "Friday night dinners. It used to be me, Dad and Mum, then it was just me and Dad. These days it's me, Dad, Carole and Finn. Maybe it's silly, but it's sacred to Dad and then I tried to blow him off for that stupid _Sound of Music_ sing along and we had a fight. The last thing I said to him, we were fighting. I told him that we'd have plenty more Friday night dinners and now maybe we _won't_."

Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand tighter. "Shh, it's not your fault, Kurt, it's not your fault, you didn't do anything, it's not your fault, you're a brilliant son, the best son and your dad knows that. It's not your fault." Blaine whispered a litany of reassurances to Kurt until Kurt fell asleep on his shoulder.

Blaine had never felt to helpless in his life.

* * *

><p>More than anything, Kurt fell for kindness. He'd fallen for Finn's kindness when he seemed to be against the idea of pushing Kurt around like he was nothing. Before that, he'd fallen for the guy who caught his bus, who'd leant Kurt a dollar when he'd forgotten his bus money. Even as far back as kindergarten, he'd taken a special liking to the boy who'd shared a cookie with him at lunch time. It didn't take much to find a way into Kurt's heart – all it took was kindness.<p>

Blaine sat with Kurt in the hospital until Carole arrived. There was a short discussion, then Carole pulled Kurt into a hug and told him he was going home with her. Blaine waited to make sure that Kurt was alright before leaving with a promise he'd be there for Kurt the next day.

In Glee, Kurt was so tired and everyone was attacking him for not believing in God. He didn't know how to deal, so he walked out of the room.

Blaine followed him and said, "I'd have stayed and given them a talking to, but I figured that you needed me more."

For that terrible week, Blaine was Kurt's constant companion, nudging Kurt to eat and making sure he went to Carole's to get some sleep. Blaine must have quietly talked to the other Glee members when Kurt wasn't around, because they dropped the religious argument and rallied around him, even after he'd gone to Sue Sylvester to force them to stop trying to convert him.

Until that week, Kurt had been sure that he'd forgiven Blaine for all the things he'd said and done, before they'd tried dating. Now, lying on Blaine's shoulder in the hospital, Kurt realised that he hadn't, not really, anyway – until now.

Blaine was sweet. He was kind. He was the sort of guy who'd skip class to make sure that Kurt was taken care of. He was the sort of guy who'd sit with Kurt for hours just so that Kurt had someone, even though Kurt was sure it was boring for him. He was the sort of guy who let Kurt clutch his hand, even though it must have been getting pins and needles from the tightness of Kurt's grasp. He was smart and funny and had so, _so_ much in common with Kurt, more than anyone Kurt knew.

Kurt felt sick inside because here was his dad, lying in a coma, and Kurt was falling in love even as his heart was breaking.

More than anything, Kurt fell for kindness. Blaine was kind. Kurt knew that, despite everything, Dad would be glad that Kurt was lucky enough to have someone like Blaine in his life at the moment, just to make things that tiny bit less awful.

* * *

><p>It was probably a sign that something was deeply, deeply wrong with him, but seeing Kurt sing 'I Want To Hold Your Hand' made Blaine fall in love with Kurt all over again, deeper than ever – not as the knight in shining armour who had saved Blaine and helped him out of the closet, but as the amazing and sassy and scared and beautiful and vulnerable boy who was sometimes just as lost as Blaine.<p>

* * *

><p>The hand squeezed his. "Dad?" said Kurt. "Dad, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere!" And suddenly, everything fitted again.<p>

* * *

><p>"Too happy to care," Kurt whispered to Blaine when Mr Schuester announced that they had another new member.<p>

The boy who walked in was blond with a large mouth and a rueful smile. When he smiled absentmindedly in Kurt's direction, Blaine had to fight the urge to grab Kurt's hand and squeeze it in a primitive display of possession, which was crazy because he had no ownership over Kurt.

He was surprised when Kurt suddenly reached over and grabbed his hand instead.

"Do you want to be partners?" Kurt asked as they walked out of the room.

Blaine grinned at Kurt. "Sounds awesome."

"My place, after school," Kurt instructed. "That voucher is going to be ours."

Blaine spent lunch speculating with Kurt over Sam's sexuality and browsing on his iPod for songs. He arrived at Kurt's house with a stack of sheet music for platonic duets.

Kurt had picked out a pile of love songs.

"You were right," Kurt said when Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Screw what they think. We're out, we're proud, etcetera. Let's make a statement."

Blaine grinned and helped Kurt sort through the stack for a song that suited the both of them. They settled on 'Candles' (which was a breakup song, but hey, they were broken up and were going to be all right, so it worked for them). Blaine was thirsty, so he headed upstairs for a drink while Kurt started fiddling around with the arrangement.

Kurt's dad had been sleeping when Blaine had first come in. Now he was awake. He looked at Blaine with a slight frown as though he was trying to place him.

"Hello, Mr Hummel," said Blaine, remembering his manners and offering his hand. "I'm Blaine—uh, Blaine Anderson. I'm a friend of Kurt's."

"Kurt's mentioned you," Mr Hummel said. "Thank you for being there for him while I was—while I wasn't able to be. He's been talking about you a lot since I woke up."

"I'm glad I was able to help," said Blaine, even though he didn't think he'd really done anything. He was just heading to the kitchen when Mr Hummel spoke again.

"He says that you're gay, too?"

"Yes," Blaine said. It was surprising how easy it was to say that, when less than a month ago he'd found the thought of it terrifying.

"Just—just don't break his heart, okay?" Mr Hummel said. "I know how Kurt gets. He says that you're just friends and I respect that, but...don't lead him on."

"I couldn't do anything to hurt him," Blaine said and that was the honest truth. He wouldn't hurt Kurt again, even if it would save him a thousand slushies.

"Good," said Mr Hummel, sounding satisfied.

Blaine took longer than he needed to pour the glass of water to give himself time to think. It was odd how Mr Hummel seemed concerned about the idea of Blaine breaking Kurt's heart when, so far as Blaine knew, Kurt didn't love Blaine, at least not in that way. He tried not to think it (he didn't deserve it, he was lucky to just have Kurt as a friend, he didn't deserve Kurt) but he couldn't stop his heart beating harder as he headed back down to the basement.

"I think your Dad thinks we're dating," Blaine said to Kurt, trying to sound casual after he'd sat back down on the floor. "Or at least, he thinks that you're interested."

Kurt seemed suddenly intent on the sheet music. "Strange, that," he said.

"You know that—" Blaine stopped to clear his throat, "If you ever want—If you ever change your mind and decide that you want to be more than friends, I still..." Blaine let his voice trail off, because actually saying _I still love you_ could be enough to ruin the friendship that Kurt had been kind enough to reinstate. "I mean, I like being just friends. I love it, even. Just, you could tell me, you know?"

Kurt looked down at the pile of sheet music. He was blushing slightly. "Perhaps...Perhaps there was a reason I chose love songs. Other than making a statement, that is. I thought that maybe with music it would be easier. Then you chose a breakup song, which I guess is fair enough, since I dumped you and I've never understood why you didn't hate me for that."

"It wasn't working," Blaine admitted. "I mean, I loved it and I loved being your boyfriend, but it wasn't right. We weren't ready yet. And you were right – we needed to be friends first or it wasn't worth anything. Now we're friends and we _are_ ready. And I could never hate you."

Blaine shuffled closer to Kurt. Kurt was looking at him now, like he had back in that closet all those months ago. This time, rather than running away, Blaine leaned in and kissed him and Kurt kissed him back and this wasn't like the pecks on the lips that had been the limits of their explorations the last time. Blaine deepened the kiss and Kurt reached up to brush Blaine's jaw with his hand and Blaine's fingers were making a mess of Kurt's ordinarily tidy hair.

Eventually, they needed to breath. Blaine looked at Kurt and blushed. Kurt was blushing too.

"We should practice," said Blaine in an attempt to break the awkwardness (and _what the fuck_, like that had anything to do with anything).

"I thought we were," Kurt said, before reaching forward and pulling Blaine into another kiss.

They never did get around to practicing. When Blaine snuck back upstairs, he was glad that Mr Hummel was asleep again, because Blaine didn't want to have to explain his swollen lips.

They stuck with 'Candles' because choosing something else would have cut into their 'practice' time. They didn't win the duet, but they went to BreadstiX anyway and it was the first date that Blaine had always dreamed of.


End file.
